Toilets in Thailand

That title narrowly edged out B.M.'s in Bangkok: a Retrospective. Let's just say that my mouth immediately enjoyed the undeniably delicious Thai cuisine more than my stomach. And Lonely Planet states: "public toilets in Thailand are few and far between." I'll leave it at this: those first couple of days, I really felt like I was up shit creek without a paddle. I was really having to take it all sitting down. I felt like I was really flushing it all down the toilet... Hey-O!

So we arrived in Bangkok late Thursday night, and promptly took the train to the opposite end of town from where we wanted to go. Don't get me wrong, Lillie had told us exactly where we wanted to go, but it's amazing how much Sukhumvit and Khaosan can sound alike in the memory of a poor white westerner after 3 days of no sleep, 21 hours of flight time, 2 Chivas and one Ambien on the flight from Japan and a complete inability to read maps. It was there that my lovely wife Rebecca and I found ourselves at 1:00 in the morning, in the "sex district" of Bangkok, far from any acceptable lodging. Had, however, we wished too, we had our choice of massage parlors, most complete with a half-dozen scantily clad women and jacuzzis in the lobby. What connection lies between jacuzzis and massage is beyond me, but the parlors of Sukhumvit have drawn it.

When we realized our dilemma, we hopped a cab (eschewing the flat rate for the metered variety), and after seemingly being driven in circles for 20 minutes, eventually materialized in the longtime backpacker's haven of Khao San Road.

Now, anyone who has done much traveling will tell you, efficient traveling is a skill developed over time. It is also one that fades with non-use. And man, when it's gone, it's gone. That is how we found ourselves at 2:00 in the morning, with nowhere to stay, and a credit card that would not work because, apparently, Thailand is a high-fraud-rate country. By about 4:00 a.m. I had talked with the bank and we had found pretty good lodging. We even snuck in a plate of Pad Thai and a bowl of Tom Yum soup from one of the last street vendors just before she closed down. While delicious, it would prove to be a fateful decision.

Our long dormant travel chops would continue to haunt any plans of sightseeing. We decided to take the Chao Phraya Express boat (essentially a large water taxi ferrying locals up and down the river), a perfectly reasonable and inexpensive way to get a feel for the city. We (I) decided just to ride the boat all the way to the end of the line, thinking we could stay on and ride it right back up. Rebecca wasn't so sure. Guess who was right.


So that's how we found ourselves at the southern edge of Bangkok in the mid-day heat, attempting to find our way to some reliable mode of public transportation. 1 hour later, we finally made our way back to civilization, glad to see the familiar pink taxis with Taxi-Meter emblazoned across the top, and smelling the familiar smell of meat, any meat, sizzling over charcoal on an overcrowded street corner.

Welcome to Thailand...