ElliportBlog: Grand Motocross Rally: Part II

We resume the adventures of the Pale Posse as they depart Ha Tinh. All five gingerly remount their trusty motorbikes, shifting uncomfortably in the seat as their tailbone burns, and looking down the long, lonesome corridor of Highway 6 West.

If Part I of “A Vietnam Adventure” was akin to getting thrown in the fire, Part II forces the player to work on the more technical aspects of riding a motorbike. And if you think this fine tuning should have come before the absurd difficulties of yesterday? Well, you’re probably right. But it’s a game. It doesn’t work that way.

Level VI: The Mountain Roads

This is what you’ve been waiting for. Well-paved, nearly empty roads winding through the mountains of Central Vietnam, lazy roads that climb up hills, cut through small villages, and flank pristine rivers. And not a cobblestone, fire, husker or crane to be seen. Though the school-kids and farm animals do remain, they aren’t going anywhere (can we lump them all together? Is there much difference? If there is one that I can see, it’s that farm animals are quieter and more predictable). Through this level of the game, you get to sit back on your seat a little, give that bike a bit more gas, and start leaning into the turns. You get to really learn your bike and get comfortable on it, and become one vehicle on the road rather than a person sitting on a bike.

A smile starts to form on Suzy’s face, one that went missing for the better part of the day before, and the laughable ordeals of the day before become distant memories. The gang even stops on a high mountain pass to share drinks and fruit, and remark at how easily the kilometers are chipping away. While the gang only rode 75 kilometers on day 1, they are shooting for around 200 on day 2, and the pleasant and productive morning makes the number seem manageable. The only difficult part through this section is resisting the urge to count down the distance, as every kilometer is marked by another red and white ~~mile~~kilometer-post giving the distance to Son La, your stop for the evening. Watching the posts is like watching the clock tick minutes: it’s distracting and makes everything else slow down. It’s quite hard not to, though. But all in all, a great morning: the whole gang is in good spirits and feels like they are getting the hang of it.

Propaganda machine: bus with speakers and man with banners

Lillie really wished this had said Bun Cha

Level VII: The Flats

We wouldn’t want players/riders getting bored would we? We can’t have our band of misfits just cruising down the road, not a care in the world, admiring the scenery and enjoying each other’s company? That would be too easy.

Scene 1: Ol’ Reb blows the first tire just after the drink-stop at the top of the hill. Predictably, Mick and Big Hopper are way ahead at this point, driving fast enough to slightly scare themselves at every turn. Suzy is not far behind, so Ol’ Reb must send Lumpy to catch up and tell the rest of the gang to come back. After some fancy riding, Lumpy must corral the rest of the group and return for Ol’ Reb and make sure she is on two wheels. In a fantastic and in-character display of resourcefulness, by the time the gang gets about halfway back, Ol’ Reb has already found someone to change her tube, had it changed, and is back on the road. The rest of the gang is dumbfounded, but pleased to continue on.

Mom, striking a pose

I told Reba this goat's mom would never care for it again. She's still not speaking to me

Scene 2: Mick blows the next tire. Actually, to be more specific, Mick ran out of gas in a bizarre attempt to push/assess the limits of the gas gauge on his bike, apparently the one dial on the thing that remains reasonably accurate. Anyone who knows the Pale Posse, however, will quickly realize that this inherent need to push the boundaries of gasoline fumes is directly passed from Big Hopper; this trait accompanies others, such as a love of Carolina basketball and a distrust of green vegetables, which were inevitably passed from father to son. Mick could no more pass up the reluctance to fill up the gas tank or ask directions from strangers than he could pass up the red hair and gangly limbs, all were part of a package deal, a grouping of traits that would come to cause great anxiety on the innocent female parties in the gang. After finding gas (not so hard in Vietnam, pretty much everyone who lives on the highways sells gas on the side), Mick pulls out only to find his tire is flat. He limps down the highway, gang in tow, looking for the ubiquitous Xe May signs promising motorbike repairs. It is your job at this point, dear Suzy, to keep the gang together and in good spirits as the time gained by the efficient morning quickly disappears through tiny, invisible holes in tire-tubes.

The gang soon finds a man promising to make the repairs, who jacks up the crippled motorbike, takes one look at the flat, and promptly disappears on his own bike. The gang looks at each other confused. The “garage” is a carport-like area beside a little market. Two women attend the market, and several children run around the area. The oldest runs to the side of the store and yells for someone to awaken, someone we later presume to be her half-intoxicated brother. Half-intoxicated brother (as he will hereafter be known) comes and makes a big show of gathering/rattling tools, inspecting the motorbike, ordering around sober sister, and looking important. After a few minutes, he stands up and nods at us as if to say, “yes, your tire is flat, it needs changing.”

He then proceeds to try and take the front wheel off of the bike (unsuccessful) take the outer tire off of the rim so he can pull the tube out (also unsuccessful) and disconnect the front brake cable (likewise, a failure). He seemed angry at the tools, angry at the tire, and angry at the gang for putting him in the situation. The entire gang, at this point, is pretty anxious because:

a) Half-intoxicated brother seems angry and frustrated, and, he is half-intoxicated.

b) The bike, which proves difficult to handle with a flat, is now in many, many pieces and is sure as hell not going anywhere.

c) Half-intoxicated brother has pieces of the bike strewn throughout the workplace and the gang is sure that he has no idea how to reassemble it, much less fix it.

d) We are in the middle of nowhere, roughly halfway in between Ha Tinh and Son La.

Enter totally-drunk father, who rides up on his motorbike right as half-drunk brother is vehemently declaring his loathing for Mick’s bike and tire. The gang feels strange about being comforted by the arrival of a very intoxicated man to repair the bike, but comfort they do feel. Even drunk father must be better than incompetent brother, right? (Ol’ Reb surmises later that he left for a beer or five before returning to fix the bike, which, judging from his smell, is a reasonable guess).

On the scale of uncomfortable situations: if a “1” is sitting in a bus seat while an older (but Not elderly, I’m not completely heartless) person stands next to you, a “5” is seeing your parents make out, and a “10” is seeing your parents make out while your grandmother is in the room, I would say that watching that bike get fixed was a solid 7.5. Picture this: totally-drunk father and half-drunk brother, tools and nuts/washers/bolts everywhere, the entire front assembly of the bike in pieces. The brake detached, the axel out, and stuck in the middle of nowhere. Watching him switch out the tube and then reassemble the bike, hoping the brake was attached properly, hoping like hell he got the axel back in and the wheel would not fall off. Hawkishly searching the room for any spare, forgotten pieces. It was horrible, and it was the only option. Let me just say, those first few minutes on the bike were a little scary, but the damn thing ran perfectly all the way back to Hanoi.

Level VIII: The Road into Son La

Scene 1: Suzy must gather the gang and head back out on Highway 6, hoping to make up some time and make it to Son La before dark. In order to do it, Suzy must make the next great leap in Vietnamese mountain-motorbiking: passing the many trucks on the windy mountain roads with little/no idea what lies on the other side of the curve. This, to the uninitiated, may seem like some insane kamikaze mission—and it might be—but it’s what everyone does, unless you want to sit behind some slow moving, exhaust exhaling pile of metal going about 20 km/h up the mountain. The best thing to do, obviously, is keep your speed and distance, and whip around them when you get some stretch of road resembling a straightaway. Clearly, this opportunity is not always quick to pass. Sometimes, you get right up behind the truck and just hope for a good moment. And sometimes, you have to go on faith, downshift, hit the gas, and hug the side of the truck, hoping nothing pops up right as you commit to passing. And sometimes, someone will pop up right at the wrong moment. Fortunately, most Vietnamese drivers are accustomed to this, and will pull off onto the shoulder to give you room. It is a vital part of driving on Highway 6, but one that will take some time for Suzy to get accustomed to. Once you leap this hurdle, however, the road is all yours.

Little kids on big bikes: A Vietnam Tradition

I thought Caroline and Chris would like the "German" look of this one. Whether or not he ever ended up in a bowl of Pho.

Night falls.

Scene 2: Entering Son La at night. You scoff, but driving a motorbike at night proves more difficult than a car. The dust and smog mix with the lights to form a smoke-like haze, and other light tend to blind you just a bit more. Most importantly, imperfections and debris in the road itself are almost inconsequential to a car, but for a motorbike? Locating them is essential. The sun dipped below the horizon about 12 kilometers out, and the gang forms a single file line in the far right lane and cruises in together. The trick here is to keep the whole gang together, and then find a beer spot in town for the rest of the gang while Mick and Ol’ Reb spend an hour finding a place to stay. Because you don’t want to pay $14.50 for a room when you can find a perfectly good one for $12.75. Once this task is complete, you can all pack up the bikes for the night and go find something really soft to sit on.

For dinner, I’m suggesting one of those familiar spots with the wok of boiling water in the middle of the table. Then, take everything they bring you—noodles, herbs, and huge legs of duck—and throw them in the pot for a few minutes before digging in. And don’t forget the rice whiskey.